tsunneverset | private conversation; america; day 8

[When England doesn't show up anywhere in the morning, he's terrified. He can't bring himself to go see the videos and determine what happened to him; if what he is afraid of was true, there might not even be a video.

But finally, he works up the nerve to go to his cabin. He puts his hand on the knob, closes his eyes, and tries to catch his breath, and then pushes it to go in.]

[He's not surprised when America enters. If he were slightly more sober, he might even feel bad about scaring the guy, but it's not like it matters now. Instead, he just says three words.]

Luke or Fukawa?

[He closes the door behind him and sighs shudderingly.]

Luke died. Everyone hates me now.

[He nods calmly, staring up at the ceiling.

Then he hurls the entire bottle at the wall.]

I'm sorry. I should have done what you said.

You didn't kill him. I did. I should have spoken up or stopped them, but I thought...if I knew you were protecting him and we killed someone else, that could still count as cheating, couldn't it? And...and I didn't know for sure if you would save him, so surely it wouldn't be breaking the rules if I let the hunters target someone you were on just this once.

[He gives a choking, half-hysterical laugh.] So I let them do it. I killed my own citizen. I murdered an innocent lad who was brave enough to risk his life helping strangers even after they executed both of his parents. I said I'd get him out safely and I betrayed everything I've ever stood for just to win this fucking game.

Well, I'll say one thing. It is a damn good thing I'm dying today, otherwise I'd probably try to off myself tonight.

It's not your fault, either. You didn't want to.

[When he sees how upset England is, he hurries over to him, but winds up just standing there looking awkward and upset.]

Don't...don't talk like that.

Stop that. You don't even know why I'm playing in the first place, so don't defend my actions when I can't even do it for myself.

[he pulls out another bottle and takes a swallow]

Oh, sorry, did I not mention this before? Right, I'm going to be dead before the day ends. It's pretty much been set in stone. So don't worry about the town hating you. They won't dare risk executing you now that you've proven yourself and saved Fukawa, so you just focus on getting out of here alive now that I won't be able to keep the other hunters off you anymore.

[His eyes widen and his hands tremble for a moment, but then he clenches his fists.

He puts his hand around the bottle, firm but not strong enough to wrench it away from England.]

Stop that.

Don't you dare. If your life is in danger, the least you can do for me is fight for it.

Why fight something I want? At least allow me a little dignity before I go. It would be rather humiliating if the great British Empire made a poorer showing facing death than Tony Stark.

[He yanks the bottle back but doesn't drink from again, just stares down into its depths furiously.] The only reason I've stuck around this long was to help the hunters and do my best to save the other nations, but you know what? The hunters didn't even have the common bloody decency to wait until I was cold in the ground before talking about killing you, and every other country would rather see me burn than even consider that I might be helping them, so fuck them. Fuck the hunters, fuck the prey, fuck this town, fuck Critter, and fuck this game. If death is the only way out, then I'm taking it. I'm done.

I agree with you! I'm tired of them, too, I don't give a fuck about any of them! Even Lithuania hates me now, and I'm not even a fucking hunter!

I'm not asking you to do it for them.

[He gives a bitter laugh.] Fucking bunch of hypocrites. Like Spain wouldn't have done the same for Romano, or Lithuania done the same for Poland if he was still around. But suddenly we're the worst people in the world for wanting to see the other survive.

[He closes his eyes.] If I thought I had even the slightest chance of surviving this trial, I would. But I don't. This isn't about giving up, America. It's letting go...and I've had far too much experience at that.

No!

[He shouts and slams his fist against the wall. They may have cried their goodbyes the day before, but that doesn't mean he's accepted this as inevitable.]

This isn't you, it isn't. I've seen you handle worse and refuse not to keep going. Who suspects you? I'll deal with them myself.

You've also seen me stop fighting when it was your life at stake. What do you think's happening now?

[He eyes America, then leans over to flick his forehead gently...and winds up flicking his nose instead.]

You can't help me anymore, remember? If I told you, that'd be cheating. Because God knows wanting to protect someone is the worst bloody thing you can do in this game. Though Critter's stacked the cards so highly against us, it might actually spare me if I gave you any hints about who the other hunters were.

Then I'll just have to save your butt like usual. And if Critter calls it cheating, I'll kill him, too.

No one can tell me I have to stand back and watch while you die. Not Critter, not you, not anybody.

And then the town would lose both its killer and its savior at once. Wouldn't that be a sight?

No...no one can tell you to do anything. But I don't believe this is a fight you'll be able to win.

[Petulantly]

I don't care. Fuck this game, right?

Yes, you do. More importantly, I do. I don't give a rat's arse about this game because I got stuck with the worst possible role there is. But you...you can get out of here alive. Don't throw that away for my sake, not when the outcome will be the same anyway.

You have to try.

Why? So I can kill another one of my citizens tonight? So I can keep murdering children, only for it to all mean naught when the game pits your life against mine? It's not about the two of us getting out anymore. It's about you getting out and me having a limited lifespan within this game...and in that case, I'd rather bow out early than keep living in this hell.

I don't want you to do that.

[But he's sounding more desperate; he knows England won't be okay with this, and that if he's not willing to let America die, there's no other choice. Nor is he okay with dying himself. But they just need more time, and England doesn't understand.]

We should just both try as hard as we can, and whoever makes it was the one who deserved to.

[He brings the bottle back up to his lips again.]

In that case, I'm pretty sure I deserve to die.

Because you protected me? Because you protected all of us?

You didn't do anything wrong. I don't care what I know and don't know. I know what you're like, including that you can be a real bastard, but you don't deserve to die.

Because I said I would protect Luke, and I wound up getting him killed. [He raises the bottle in a sardonic toast.] The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, ladies and gentleman. A stellar example of what a country should do by its citizens. Honi soit qui mal y pense.

[For a moment, he looks like he's on the verge of saying something, alcohol making his tongue and his reason far more loose than they should be...but in the end, he glances away.] You're the only one who thinks that, then.

I don't know what those words mean, but I got people killed, too, so don't.

You're the one who always tries to act like you're so much worse than you are. Since when do you care what people think of you?

There's a big difference between being tricked into protecting the wrong people and being directly responsible for their deaths.

I don't. I'm just saying this might be a lot easier if people actually thought about why-- [he cuts himself off abruptly and tips the rest of the bottle into his mouth before reaching for another one.]

You wanted to help us.

[He softens just a little.]

You were really brave. I don't think anyone could've been as brave as you. And that's why we need you. At the end of all this, we'll make it out of here and they'll all know that.

No. Luke was brave. Ema, Kanaya, Rapunzel, James...even Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark were far more noble and courageous than I. I'm just the bastard who killed a little boy to win a game.

[He lets out a sigh at that and leans back against the wall.] Gods help me, I hope you're right about that. I really, really do.

If you walk out there, drunk, and they accuse you, it's not going to look good.

Are you really just going to...is this really going to be the end? You're England. You're like a million years old and you've fought everybody, and you're going to let some dumb kid kill you?

As if I've ever cared about looking good. Maybe I won't go in there at all. It'd be a shame if the last thing I ever saw was Spain's ugly face.

If I were prey, I would never go out without a fight. I'd rally the troops and drag every hunter out by whatever means necessary. But I'm a hunter. And I'm tired. Tired of helping them win, tired of killing children, tired of working for something I don't think will ever happen. I'm far too old to enjoy these sorts of games anymore.

You're selfish.

[He sounds sullen and miserable.]

I'm going to be all alone now. You're the only one I have.

You're right, I am. Let me make a selfish decision for once in this game.

[His expression goes from resigned to pained at that and he reaches out with his free hand, curling his fingers around the nape of America's neck.]

You'll get through it. Haven't you already proven that you don't need me around? Besides, I don't believe death is permanent here. Sanae Hanekoma came back, didn't he? So maybe I will too. Maybe Critter will bring me back as one of the prey and we'd be able to actually work together. I'd like that.

Me too.

[He sniffles and then wipes at his eyes furiously, unwilling to cry again.]

I...I liked it being us. Not the part where people were dying, but us working together and not fighting all the time and junk...

Even knowing I was lying to you the entire time? [But he smiles fondly anyway.] It was certainly a novel experience, I'll give you that. It's been a long time since either of us were ever that direct with each other, hasn't it? If we do manage to both leave this game...well, I won't say it'll be easy without our lives constantly in danger, but it'd be nice if we could continue down this path.

I've never wanted us to hate each other.

I'll do whatever it takes to bring you back.

I've harbored a lot of emotions towards you over the centuries...but never hate. Not once.

There we go. Don't lose hope yet, all right? There's a happy ending to be found in the midst of all this, I'm sure of it.

I've never hated you either. I've thought I hated you, but I never have.

I promise you'll be back.

private conversation; america; day 8

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